Opinions and Ranting on "Sexy" Lingerie

What comes to your mind when you think about

Mostly the word lingerie is associated with "sexy" underwear, and the definition of "sexy" when it comes to lingerie is, when taking a closer look, a pretty narrow one.
Sexy lingerie is mostly defined as the kind of lingerie that men (TM) would like to see on a woman*.

  • On one hand, Agent Provocateur for example are an institution for sexy luxury lingerie. I love their design, but it's all very much one look. You see one piece, you know the basic looks of collections of the last few seasons.
Agent Provocateur
  • Then there's Victoria's Secret, much more push up, much more frills, younger audience and less boudoir feeling. Colours change with seasons, but there is definitely a set in stone definition of what Victoria finds sexy.
Victoria's Secret
  • Another type of lingerie would be the erotic or adult store kind of sexy lingerie, often of a lesser quality, not made for good fit but for fun. Especially Baci Lingerie has a huge selection of erotic lingerie and provides good quality for a low price.
Black Label Collection by Baci
Black Label Collection by Baci

So, in these sections there's of course changes of styles and designs with fashion. The bondage inspired looks that are so trendy atm can be found in almost all three of them, seethrough lace changes its colours with fashion trends, etc. Trends change, but "sexy" stays.

So, first look, seems to be like there's something for everyone, right?

Hm. I dare to disagree.

Not everyone finds the same kind of lingerie sexy.
Not every woman* wants to fit into the frilly sexy, bondage sexy or erotic sexy category.
And most importantly: Not every woman that wears nice underwear or lingerie she deems sexy wears it for a man.
Some wear it for their partners, whatever gender (gee! other relationship types than heteroromantic and heterosexual relationships exist, WHO KNEW?).
Some wear it just for themselves, because they like the look, feel, design.
And some just don't like the cliché sexy lingerie, but are rather fond of more gender neutral lingerie, because that's what makes them feel good and sexy.

And another thing, I have a lot of underwear falling in this "sexy lingerie" category. I often wear it as everyday wear. Because I like them, because I feel good when wearing them. Yes, noone might see them, but I KNOW IT'S THERE.
Not everything has to be done to please someone else!
And certainly not everything has to be done to please a man.

Sexy is not a style.

You can't pinpoint what is sexy and what isn't. And in my opinion, we would be much better off if "sexy" lingerie for women* wasn't still defined by men.
This binary disregards how vast and huge this topic is.

It disregards that not every woman* in a relationship is in a heterosexual or heteroromantic relationship. Which makes all the "surprise your man with this sexy lingerie" ads pretty boring and hurtful. Why would I buy lingerie that "the menz" like, when my partner is a woman? And don't get me started on how you're treated in a highstreet lingerie shop when you're buying lingerie for your girlfriend as a girl. Not a nice experience.

It disregards that you don't have to wear lingerie for anyone else. Maybe you're single, maybe you don't want to show it, maybe you just wanted to buy that damn pretty lingerie set because YOU ARE WORTHY. You can totally be sexy for yourself. Or just NOT be sexy.
But wow - that would mean empowering ads for lingerie - we can't let that happen apparently. Women* could feel comfortable about themselves, and who would buy all the products catered to women then?

Especially mainstream marketing disregards that sexy isn't only for 21 year old ablebodied white girls.
50 year old women deserve to feel sexy as well as young women do - and there's still so much shaming going on! I mean, what the heck, do I have to dress up in a sack once I crack a magic age border? Is it 30? 35? 40? 50?
Another example: Try finding a piece of "sexy" lingerie that works with skin with chronic skin issues. Or sexy lingerie that can be worn when you are disabled and can't close a bra on your back.
But these are topics vast enough for entire blogposts or PhD papers...

So, sexy lingerie? not an easy topic.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you feel included enough? What would you wish to be able to change when it comes to sexy lingerie?

xoxo denocte